Monday, November 2, 2009

The pain a mean girl can cause.....


Well, by reading all of your comments, it sounds like I am not alone in my experience with mean girls. I wish that they would realize how they can effect a person. Some of your stories are so sad. One girl wrote and said a woman at work came up to her and told her that her husband was ugly! What????!!!! How in the world could anybody be so mean and rude? How in the world could a person ever justify that behavior? What is up with some people feeling superior over someone else. What ever happened to good manners? We might not all like each other and we might get on each other's nerves, but we need to use our manners and be cordial and polite. Rude behavior is just not acceptable in my book.

After learning last week that two girls that I used to work with had been talking about me just as I had suspected and realizing that I was not crazy, I decided to go back through my prayer journal to read some of my entries that I wrote about these women at work. You see, this information meant a lot to me because I went through a very difficult time back when I worked with them and I KNEW they were talking about me and being mean, but I couldn't prove it. They were sneaky and would be rude and mean one moment and then nice the next. I tried everything to be their friends, but they would not let me in. I actually teared up as I was reading these prayers. It was a very hard time for me back then, as you will read.

I would like to keep the time period and employer a mystery, as well as not reveal their names because I do not wish to stir up any more problems with all of this. I just want to talk about what I had gone through and to talk about the real pain that one person can cause another, as well as talk about how good and faithful the Lord was to me and how He brought me through it all. These are entries from my actual prayer journal with the intention of no one else reading them, please excuse the messy writing as well as any grammatical and spelling errors.

The entry above was the first one that appeared in my prayer journal about this problem of mine. This is when I first started realizing that something was amiss. I had gotten hired about four or five months before and I was feeling pretty good about the job. Then all of the sudden things changed and these two girls started to give me the cold shoulder. I couldn't understand it and started thinking I was imagining it, yet I knew it was real.I started having a weird feeling that these two girls were talking about me. Then I remembered back to when I first started my job there how they were talking terrible about another lady and were documenting her errors. They would say very mean things about her and then when she walked in the room they were sweet as pie to her face. This was a big red flag waving!!!

Then later, I would walk around a corner and hear them whispering and they would suddenly stop. I would walk into the office in the morning and said a cheery good morning and the first girl would just barely let out a "morning" without looking up at me and the other one would literally just grunt and walk by me! Have any of you experienced that? It is just so rude and so painful! I admit it, I am a sensitive person, so these things cut me deeply. Some of you wrote to me to just ignore it and walk away from it, but this was day after day and I had to sit two feet from one of them! I could not just ignore it. It was hurtful. Then, it was almost like they were messing with me, because all the sudden they would say good morning and chat with me. So this is when I started feeling a little like I was going crazy!

I looked at myself, as you can see by the above journal entry. I worked on myself. I tried everything to be friends with them. I wrote in my journal that God would help me to improve myself and not bug them, but you know, usually people like me and I know how to behave socially! I knew that I wasn't doing anything to create this behavior, but I started questioning myself.

It seemed like every time I worked with them I would have a miserable day. I would get weird vibes from them. The office closed everyday for lunch from 12:30 to 1:30. I often did my own thing at lunch. One day at about ten minutes before lunchtime one of those girls said, "Hey, if you want to go to lunch early, go ahead and leave now." I thought this was very suspicious and I had overheard them planning a big lunch inviting all of the other employees including the boss and they did not invite me! She was trying to get me out of the office before they all gathered for lunch so I wouldn't know about it! On another day the boss had planned that all the employees go out for Mexican food for the four employees that had birthdays that month. I was never invited. It was accidentally "leaked" to me by one of the neutral employees. I told her that I didn't hear about it and that I didn't think it was an accident. Well, it got back to the boss and she personally invited me. I went ot the lunch and those girls would not even look at me! I think that not only were they mad that I was there, but I do think they probably got in trouble for not inviting me!

I cried out to the Lord. I feel that when we are going through a tough time, it is really wise to try and learn as much as we can. I try to look at myself and try to figure out what God wants me to learn when I am going through a trial. I prayed that God would expose the truth if they were indeed gossiping about me. I was concerned that they might spread rumors about me and hurt my reputation.In retrospect, it was a hard time to go through, but I did learn a lot. I leaned on the Lord and just hung in there. The siutation got so desperate that I did make a mistake one day and I lowered myself to behave just like them. You can read in the above journal entry that I didn't talk small talk with one of them one day and I did feel bad about it. It's not like me to be rude. Being rude back was not the answer. I prayed about it and asked God to forgive me and to help me be nice to them. I needed to just be myself and be sweet to them. I asked them about their weekends and their lives and they talked. I listened.You can see by my journal entries that this was a hard time for me. It really effected my life! This went on for about six months! I analyzed it and tried to learn from it. I don't think these girls really had any idea how much their behavior hurt me. I bet they had no idea that I was going home feeling horrible about myself and writing in my prayer journal! They were just enjoying feeling superior and having their little exclusive club.I leaned on scriptures. II Corinthians 4:16-18 really comforted me. I could not imagine going through this difficult time without the Lord in my life! He comforted me and gave me strength! I also prayed for them. The Bible calls us to pray for our enemies and I did. It was hard to do, but I did it. Jesus said in Matthew 5:44 ~

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

This picture says how I was feeling. I wrote "I give it all to You, I just lay it at Your feet" and you can see a little sketch of me on my knees before the Lord giving my job to Him. I cried out to the Lord and laid it at his feet and you know what? One day a new girl started and she was my friend.

Then another girl came who was higher up on the ladder than all of us and she started reporting things. One day a lady from management talked to me and she said she had been sending spies down to our office and she heard the same story from all of them that these two girls were mean. One of the "spies" told them that I was the only one who made her feel welcome! God vindicated me and it felt wonderful! I prayed that the Lord would expose them and He did! Then a few months later one of the girls ended up quitting and the whole problem just went away. I was so thankful and just kept working hard, but I had always wondered about what had happened and if I was just being paranoid or if they were indeed talking about me.

Then, just the other day I heard the truth. Another co-worker who was neutral and actually new to the office told me that they used to talk about me to her. She was worried that I would feel bad and I told her that it was quite opposite! It made me feel really good to know that I was not crazy. What I felt for all of those months was real. I do feel bad for them though. Why did they do it? Were they so unhappy in their lives that it made them feel better to be mean and rude to me?

I am so thankful that God was with me during this time and He gave me strength. I am so thankful that He brought me out of that valley and that I grew from it. I am thankful that I got to learn the truth about the whole thing. Since I have learned about this I have been praying for them, that God will fill that hole inside them that they would not have to tear someone else down in order to make themselves feel better. I pray in some way that they saw how I continued to be kind to them and perhaps they might change. I do pray for God's blessing in their life.

If you have someone in your life that is being rude or mean, please try to understand that it really is their problem and not yours. Just lean on the Lord and pray and cling to scriptures that are comforting. God will give you victory!!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4:16-18

Love, Sharon

22 comments:

Walking on Sunshine... said...

How wonderful that the Lord worked things out and your kindness was noticed!!! A horrible thing for anyone to have to go through when you're a teenager, but even worse when it happens to an adult. Sorry you experienced so much pain, but think of how the testimony you showed by not giving in to all the nastiness!!! ENjoy your day!

My Grandkids ROCK said...

Sharon, I can't imagine you being mean to anyone. I read about you and your family and how fun and nice and real you all are. Don't ever second guess yourself. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Sometimes there are people that are just jealous. I think that jealousy is just a form of complimentry. They just wish that they were like you. Keep on being exactly who you are. I really like you.

Kal said...

Bless your heart!

I'm sorry you had to go through that!
Another reminder the Lord works everything out!

Rebecca said...

Sharon...

My precious daughter is experiencing this right now. She works at a Bank with four other young women just about her age. Adrie is beautiful INSIDE as well as the outside and she has been reduced to tears from the harsh, unkind words of these co-workers. A bully is a bully...child or adult...it is the SAME THING!

This is all so second grade junk. I struggle to even know what to say... You'd think that by the time we become adults we'd actually BE adults. I've even had to deal with this stuff at eBay over the years! Verbal attacks about my work, my speech, my style, etc... It can be devastating.

I truly wonder if it makes the meanies out there feel tall when they try so hard to make others feel small?

Bottom line...OUR WORDS and ACTIONS MATTER. One day we will all face our Creator for how we have lived...

Great heartfelt post!

Love, Rebecca

Brenda Eason said...

Sharon you were so mature at this time. I just don't know if I could. Thanks for sharing because I like you are so sensitive and I know I can use your advise.

shamrock fields said...

Sharon-
Thanks for sharing this painful story and how you used prayer to work through it! My daughters and I both encounter mean girls on a frequent basis. They all have one thing in common--they try to put someone else down in order to feel superior. Thanks for sharing!
Blessings-
Molly

Tanza said...

Hi Sharon,
WOW !!! What a testimony and true blessing to you ~~ God had this already worked out .. I'm soo happy that this torment and unkindness to you has been resolved. Terrible for you to have to go through that for such a lenghthy period of time . I don't know how I would of dealt with all that. Of course, I would do like you and pray daily, But, still you had to get up and face these women daily !! See, God is faithful, for those that seek HIS face .. I'm truly happy you are through this, and what a testimony you are again Sharon .. keep on pushing forward, and know that you have many women who LoVe and AdOre sweet loveable you !! I can't imagine anyone being unkind to you ~ darn those meany girlies ~ You have a HAPPY, Blessed day my friend ..
big hugs ~tea~xo

Anonymous said...

Hi dear Sharon! Thank you for being so open with this issue. I cried through your whole story. I saw how sweet and kind you were, how hard you tried, and I could literally feel the meaness that was returned. I've experienced almost the exact thing--it's so difficult. I am sorry you went through this and am so happy the Lord made a way. He brought you through. When I looked at your sketch drawing I could tell how low they laid you. The word "job" you wrote--I took it as "Job" as in the Book of Job at first. That you felt as badly as Job in the Bible. And we know Job had a happy restoration of everything in his life. How wonderful the Lord has restored your heart and you know the truth. That is the very best. He takes care of his own. You handled it all with love. The Lord must be proud of you. Hugs, Lilly

Brit. (lille meg) said...

It is really a long time since I have been here now, and I am sorry about that.
I am also sorry to hear about your pain, Sharon! But the Lord will comfort you. He is always there. He sees what you're going through.
God bless you! I wish you all good!
Hugs and love.

Avalon76 said...

Sweet Sharon...you have no idea how timely this was for me. I will lay my current issue at the Lord's feet tonight.

*hugs*

Jennifer ^_^

Heather said...

wow Sharon. you are very strong and you definitely had God on your side helping you through it. sometimes it takes awhile to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there! I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Those girls/women were definitely missing something inside and they were unleashing their pain onto you to make themselves feel better. Praying for them, although hard at times was the best thing you could have, and can still do.

a visit to the hollow said...

Sharon, You are such a lovely person and when I read your blog your faith in the Lord renews my faith as well. I no longer work--downsizing in the company at the times I was worried about how it would affect our finances but my husband told me dont worry we will be fine and if I didnt want to work again he said I could stay home. Many things have happened since then, and I know that the Lord was sending me a sign, Im able to spend more time with my Mom, my grandkids and most recently my sister lost her husband to cancer and I have been able to help her. Thank you so much for your inspirations and thoughts of faith. God Bless You.

Anonymous said...

Jealous they were. Because
you are a beautiful wonderful woman. And they felt threatenend by you.
And wanted you to get rid of you. Wanted to make
you miserable so you would
quit your job.
I have had the same happen to me many times before
in the work place.
And these are nurses!!
Pamela RN
NE Ohio

Beautiful pear tree lane said...

Hi Sharon,
You have shown spiritual maturity by how you handled this situation, and You will probably never know what a testimony you were to those who worked with you. You are always such a blessing to me.
Sue

Brittany said...

Sharon,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I know we all experience mean people in our lives but I can understand how painful and frustrating it can be when you have to be around a mean person almost every day. Praise God for your strength through that time. It is so awesome that he was able to help you through it. I love you and I love our talks together!

Thank you so much for the encouragement you gave me on my post! I love you!

Elena said...

Wow, what an amazing story, a real faith builder to those who are in a trial like you had. Thank you so much for sharing this. Your end scripture in one of my life verses. I memorized it when I was in my early twenties and I think about it many times!

Kathi said...

Sharon, Thank you for sharing this hurtful story. I see the pain you have been through. God did use you. I know He heard all your prayers and there was a reason for all of this. You were like Daniel, and how those men hate him. I'm so thankful that God brought all of this out in the open and kept you and your job safe. Love you, Kathi

Anonymous said...

It's called "Hostile Working Conditions" and some one had reported is why spies were put into your office. It is a Law term incase you are unaware. It should get reported more so something be done in a more timely fashion.
God Bless you that you had to endure such pain.

Mardell said...

Oh Sharon,
I am just seeing this post now. I cannot imagine how anyone could be so mean & rude to you. I think you hit the nail on the head ~ they're miserable in their lives. You are such a sweetie & they are totally jealous. Obviously they weren't raised in a loving, caring environment that you were. Too bad for them. I applaud you for your strength & stamina & faith. It's THEIR loss for not befriending you. You're a wonderful Mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, & co-worker. Anyone that knows you is blessed. You have really lifted me through your wonderful blog. I pray that your new place of employment treasures you & treats you like the wonderful woman that you are.

jennifer said...

Your honesty about this was so refreshing. I am glad that you were vindicated. You continued to behave the way God would have you behave and it paid off!

Be blessed Sharon.

Sunflower Farm said...

How awful to have to go through that. You are very strong. Thank you for sharing that. I hope all is well. take care

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Your perseverance and faithfulness through this is very inspiring.

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