Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mean girls.....

Have any of you had to deal with a "mean girl" in your life? I did not experience mean girls in my youth, none that I can recall anyway, but I have in my adult life. I want to tell you a little story about some mean girls in my life, but I need to get some notes together. I just wanted to get some of you talking about it.

Last night I found out the truth about some women I used to work with. I found out that I was not crazy and that they were indeed talking and gossiping about me and they were being mean to me. I felt like I suffered in silence while working with them. I told my family and I told the Lord. I tried everything to be nice to them and to be friends with them with no avail.

I want to share more of my story with you, but for now, I'd like to get your feedback on Mean Girls. Have you ever been at the mercy of a mean girl or have you been a mean girl yourself? Why do you think some girls are mean to other girls? If you had a girl be mean to you, did it get resolved, if so, how did you resolve it? I really hope that none of you are having to deal with a mean girl in your life now as it can be so painful and hard to understand.

I just came home from work to eat lunch and check my blog and I need to get back. I'll talk to you soon!

"For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say." Luke 12:12

Love, Sharon


Brenda Eason said...

Sharon, I have many times and my April does. Most times it is jealousy!I never felt I was good enough to be jealous of. I really felt like the plain Jane in most groups.I like you felt people were talking.Why I tried to love all? I realized I was different..set apart.Oh no were they seeing Jesus? Yes that was it. I didn't go have a drink...I wasn't in the gossip circle and so on.
It was nothing I could do,but we pray Jesus make me more like others see you in me and they do. People whispered as Jesus walked by and honey we are no different.Hold your head up high and keep showing the love of Christ!
Love you spirit,Brenda

Heather said...

I think I've had the same thing happen to me too, mean girls at one of the places I used to work. It's not fun at all. I can't stand when people whisper in front of other people even if it has nothing to do with you, i still can't stand it. I hate mean secrets and whispering.

Lillie Mae Acres said...

On the few occasions that I've had simular problems at work, it seemed to always be a clash over lifestyles. When you're a Christian and you let your light shine and live a clean lifestyle a lot of people find fault with you right away. They either don't understand or are totally against it. Prayer ALWAYS changes things and can help them find favor with you. I love your blog by the way.

Jocelyn said...

Oh I know all about mean girls.

I have had a few in my life.
I count my sister and Mom as two of them.

I am so sorry to hear about those ladies that were talking about you and being mean. What could they possibly have to say? That you are a Woman of the Lord, A Great Mom, a faithful wife?
Other than that it's just lies.

You are fantastic! Don't let anyone tell you different.

Beth said...

I love that picture of Nelly Olson! I loved watching that show. I am reading Melissa Gilbert's book "Prairie Tale". It is a great book so far. I have to deal with "mean women" in my life. My Mother -in -law has not been very nice to me and I know she gossips about me to her family. It is very hurtful and has been hard for me because I am two hours away from my mom and it really makes me feel sad that I can't be closer to her. I have tried for 6 years to be understanding about my MIL upsetting me and not caring about my feelings, but I have come to my breaking point. She has a really hard time communicating, so resolving it makes it hard. The bottom line is, she doesn't know how to apologize and that would really make a big difference in our situation. I know I need to forgive her, but it is hard...I'm not sure if my story helps you any, but it was helpful sharing mine with you.. I'm so sorry that those women were not nice to you and gossiping about you.

Linda said...

It's very hurtful to be around a mean girl(s). I'm sorry you are having to deal with some. I always think mean people are very unhappy in their own life and they are just striking out...maybe jealous too. I try to ingore the situation, but I know this isn't always possible,,,Linda

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, yes Sharon, I have encountered this. It is really emotionally painful. I'm far from perfect, but to agressively be so mean....sadly, that is just where some women are.

I remember this: Psalms 143:9 Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.

I scoot-scoot real fast! If I get that vibe or red flag, (or unction) I listen and get gone. It's just too draining! I'm sorry you went through that situation in the office. That would make it difficult to scoot-scoot at times. I hope things are better. I am glad the Lord watches and helps us! Lilly :) (word verification is "hidyhop" -- that's funny)

Tanza said...

Hi Sharon,
I think every girl has been involved with "mean girls"..After having a daughter, you see this soo much .. my boys NEVER had drama .. this girl thing has gone on forever !! I really haven't had it happen to me directly, BUT,I NEVER gave someone that power over me ?! I would just always think they missed out on a good friend .. I'm the type that has soo many different kinds, and groups of friends .. I truly enjoy all kinds of women, and I can't stand when they gossip or talk about others' even other peoples children .. I personally think it all steams from jealousy, and this is such a mean spirited demon to have dwell in you !! You are blessed with a beautiful loving family, and home ..I'm sure they were just envious of you, and are not probably God - fearing, loving women ... I hope you are feeling better now, and I pray that the Lord comforts your heart and eases the sad feelings others TRY to instill in you .. Look always heavenward, and just always KNOW there is nothing HE can't help us through !!
p.s. have you ever read that bumper sticker "mean people suck".. it's not nice words .. but soo true ..huh ?!
Blessings and love to you ~

Kim said...

Yes, I have had moments with mean girls and in just the past few years a mean woman. That is too much to get into here, but I will tell you this, my daughter who is now 23 almost 24 had major mean girls in her junior highschool. These girls were vicious. Not just to my daughter but a lot of girls. They used the internet as a weapon and believe me they knew how to hurt.
I still don't understand why women or girls do that to each other. If you need help handing out a whooping, just let me know...I may be older and moving slower, but I can still take on a mean girl!
Take care,

Kim said...

One more thing! I love the picture of Nellie Olson. Not only does it crack me up it also brings back memories of how much I loved that show.

Brittany said...

I have definitely had my share of mean girls! Hang in there! :) I'm know the explanation but you can read it, on my page! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Usually mean women that are trying to get attention or just plain unhappy in their own lives so they feel the need to pick on others. I try not to give them the satisfaction and they usually become bored after awhile. Only other thing is to remove yourself if possible from their presence. And by all means Pray for those who persecute you -- Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
The Lord usually sees to it that they will pay for their sins! He sees He sees!
God Bless You and know you are not alone!

Erin said...

When I was in kindergarten I had some very bad experiences and still today I remember it very clearly. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated.

Avalon76 said...

Definitely experienced mean girls, both when I was growing up and (sadly) now that I am an adult. The best thing you can do is what you already do: pray, be a good person, and distance yourself from toxic people like that.


Some people will just be this way, no matter what you do.

a visit to the hollow said...

Yes...I have had my share of mean girl and women experiences. It seems to me that most of them are so unhappy with themselves that they have to take it all their pain on others. I had a terrible comment said to me by a co-worker, she told me your hubby is just flat out ugly--he must make a good living for you to stay with him. I went into the bathroom and wept. Beauty is from within--a persons heart and soul is where you find many things. My mom is a wonderful lady and she told me--honey that woman needed the good Lord to touch her soul and she would see beyond physical beauty and how sad she was in her life. I cant tell you how many times I have visited your blog and felt so good after reading your posts. You are uplifting with your faith and your devotion to your husband and your family.

Kathi said...

Sharon, Yes, I have both when I was young and now it's still happening. I'm finding that the Lord has and is my only refuge. Sometimes the mean girls were out in the open with it and other times it was implied and lots of whispering. The meanest ones have always been cliquish and exclusive. To me that group is THE most hurtful. Somehow they don't want me around inside their circle, but they want me close enough to observe all that they are doing and how great they are. I'm finding that with that group, I keep a distance, and in some cases I've had to hit the 'delete' button on them. It would be very hard and would take incredible strength and self control to have to work with this type. I commend you for sticking it out and for taking this to the Lord. You rose above them and did not become like them. Bless you Sweetie. Love, Kathi

Anonymous said...

hello my sweet friend -
i have to agree with so many of the other comments. i think it comes from either being jealous - they see what a beautiful woman of the Lord you are and wonder why you're happy. maybe if they're mean, they'll have some way of making their misery yours.

or a low self esteem - if they're mean, then they have power. maybe there are other places in their life where they don't have power (abuse?) and they feel as though that is one area they can control - and hurt people in the process.

what i always tell Sami (and girls are so mean - especially in Jr. Hi) is what my momma always told me. If someone is being mean, or rude - kill them with kindness. In other words, don't agrivate them and don't show your true emotions (hurt, anger, sadness, etc), because they'll think they're 'winning' and have power over you. In stead, be nice. Say good morning, good night, have a nice day, invite them for coffee.

It's always these women that the Lord is telling me - they're my children too - they need love.

okay - that's enough rambling.
The most important part ? You are a child of God and He loves you. What else matters ?

love you !

as always starzie said...

Dear Sharon,
I think every women has had to deal with mean girls in their life at one time or another. When I worked many years ago, I had a really mean supervisor! She made my life miserable. I remember coming home in tears many nights. I know she said things about me behind my back. I was more soft spoken than alot of the girls, and I tried to be friends with everyone. But sometimes that isn't possible when another girl or group of girls are mean spirited. Hard to tell why people are mean. I guess there are many reasons. But are they really happy? I think not. Just let your light shine through. Be happy your parents raised you to be a sweet, kind person. Maybe the mean girls didn't learn the same things growing up. I know my Mom was a wonderful kind lady. I bet yours is too. Don't we learn from example?
Take care,


cherished*vintage said...

Hi Sharon!
"Mean girls" in my experience, have always been ones with insecurities and/or no self-esteem. They may look fine on the outside, but in the inside they're a mess. I've always been the type to let the whispering and snide comments just pass me by. I can do without all the drama. Plus I never wanted to surround myself with women like that. Sad thing is, Sydney has already had to deal with mean girls, and she's 6! Don't they know if you don't have anything nice to say, you don't say anything at all...

Amy said...

Hi Sharon:
Unfortunately, I experienced the modern day mean girls with my daughter, now 22. They are meaner than I can ever remember from my youth....and they still are, even in college. I hope you are not still having trouble with mean people, but if you are, don't allow them to hurt you. Even through your blog I can sense what a sweet person you are. I'll pray that you (and my Emily) will have a good week.


Elena said...

Dear Sharon, I have had different times in my life of dealing with mean girls and sometimes men. I have shed some tears over it, but the only way I could get past it was just to feel sorry for them and pray for them. I knew that the Lord loves me and knows my heart so that was all that mattered. If you are sad today I pray that the Lord's love comforts your heart. You are a dear sister in the Lord. Hugs, Elena

jennifer said...

Yes, I had to deal with it in school and even some now. But the worst is trying to help my daughters navigate the mean girls. It hurts worse to see them go through it.

Anonymous said...

Not only does the mean girl mentality happen in real life, it happens in the blogging world too. It was a rude awakening to realize that I was disliked because I am upbeat, or positive, or because I'm a Christian.

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