Monday, June 22, 2009

Disappointment........

What do you do when life gives you disappointments? I know that my life is so blessed and the Lord has shown me favor, but sometimes when I get let down or have big disappointments, it is hard to deal with it. Especially if there are several disappointing things in a row. I often feel like a loser. I heard once that our disappointments are God's APPOINTMENTS for us and I try to look at things like this, but it is hard. I had a fun trip with my girlfriends this weekend, but while I was there I heard some disappointing news and it's been hard for me to deal with it. I think it is just another one of my many sad, disappointing, stressful things I have been through this year and it is pushing me over the top. My life has radically changed in the last 6 years the biggest thing being my children growing up and my role as mother changing. Also, the fact that my parents and in-laws have gotten older and it seems that my "pillars of normalcy" are all changing or going away, these are the things that I compared my life too to know that I was doing okay. Things happen to people and things change. Children grow up, neighbors move, people die, businesses close, jobs change, friends change, people change, I change and I have been going through so much transition lately, I feel like I am constantly in a revolving door. I do know that God is my only constant thing. He should be the only pillar in my life that I compare myself too.
What is the big lesson that He wants me to learn? I am just going through a lot of things right now and I am not comfortable, they are things that are hard for me. I have been disappointed and I have been hurt. Just so you know, my marriage is fine, my kids are all fine, my health is good, our finances are fine, these are just internal things that I am pondering. Sometimes I get my hopes up and am disappointed, situations can be very disappointing and family & friends can be disappointing.

Someone once mentioned that perhaps I am dealing with feelings because my oldest son, Mackenzie, got married in the fall. I really don't think this is a cause for my sadness at all. I love Brittany, his new beautiful wife, and they are so happy together. They spend lots of time with us too. I feel like he is on the right track and it is great to see them happy.

I think the roots of my feelings are coming from the younger boys growing up and all the stress I have been going through. I also think that I want such great things for my kids and when life doesn't always end up that way for them, I feel the pain. I guess because I am so close to them I take on a lot of the pain from the disappointments, often times it is more than the pain that they feel. Often times, I get sad over something and they aren't even bothered by it at all! Am I crazy or what??? Do you go through this too?
Grayson's recent high school graduation has brought on a lot of these thoughts and I still have not had a big cry about it. I think I haven't cried because we have been going from one thing to another and I keep pushing it on the back burner. I am finding that I don't want to be alone to deal with these feelings.

Eric told me last night that he's planning a big fishing/camping trip with the boys and his father in the next few weeks and I will find myself alone. I am sitting here trying to figure out what I can do so I won't be alone, but perhaps that is what I need. Maybe I need to be home alone to deal with these feelings head on and spend time with God.

My BAG lady trip was fun, but it did not fulfill this spot inside me. I feel like such a weakling and I ask myself, "Am I just a fair weathered Christian, am I only happy when my life is good and happy? Am I a person who can't be joyful when I have disappointments?" Then of course these thoughts bring guilt! I am so complex! I am sure many of you are the same, we are all so very complex!!!

I think only the Lord can fill this spot and I keep trying to fill it with other things. I am on a new journey with God and right now it is a little uncomfortable, but I think I am in the valley and there is no place to go but up.....right??? Any words of encouragement and advice would be greatly appreciated, especially scriptures. I hope that all of you are having a wonderful day today.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." I Peter 1:6-7

In Him, Sharon

32 comments:

Heather said...

i don't think you will be alone even when all the boys go camping. you have so many friends, your sisters, us in the blogging world and a brand new daughter-in-love :)
you just keep doing what you're already doing- talk to us, tell us how you feel, cry on our shoulders (or computer screens) and let us help you carry some of your burdens and disappointments. that's what we are all here for! and remember that things always get better and before you know it you'll be happy again and not feeling disappointed or lonely :)

adsgram said...

Sharon, I hope this comes through the way I mean it to! First of all, I think you sound quite 'normal' I know that I feel the way you are describing at times. It is kind of like a feeling of "I want it ALL!" I want my son (you have more than I) back needing only me, but I want him to be happy with his wonderful wife, and in my case with his kiddoes). In my logical head I know that I have gained more than I have lost having him be cherished by his wife but it is so different--and this is 2 years later, mind you!

You don't need to publish this, and please take no offense, but I really think that good Mothers do have a few moments of selfishness when we don't want to have to share, and when others DON'T share every thing with us like they used to..it does hurt sometimes and is a bit of a diappointment. However, it is normal, I am pretty sure...because there are AT LEAST 2 of us feeling pretty much the same if that comforts you at all! We Moms are funny, I guess!

I am happy that your marriage and family are well! Just proof that God is doing right by you and yours! Keep your faith alive! as I said, don't put this comment out there if I am totally off the mark! But, have a wonderful day and know I care! God Bless!

Lynne
dlynne172@yahoo.com

grey like snuffie said...

"Call to Me, and I will answer you, and will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know"
Jer. 33:3
I hear you and I can so relate...we must continually pursue Him but trust that He will reveal what we need when we need it.
To feel shaken in what we have known..what life has been is hard...
He knows how you feel more intimately than you know yourself...ask and you will receive...then be patient...peace, be still...as the waves of unrest come over you set your gaze at Him and "rejoice in the Lord always" Phil. 4:4
sigh...ALWAYS, not just when it feels good to us or all seems right with the world....Oh Sharon I know somewhat of what you feel...it is a privilege to pray for you that He will comfort you as He has comforted me in the midst of so much change.
"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10 His name is my mantra some days...repeating it over and over until His peace falls in the midst of so much that doesn't make sense.

Lisa said...

You must ask God what His plan is for you now, at this stage of your life. He has something for you to do, that only you can do. Seek Him to find out what it is. I'm praying for you. Ephesians 2:10 Amp is a great scripture for you. God's got a plan and He's got a path...just ask Him what it is.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharon,
I just wanted to share something with you. Have you given any thought about the fact that the late fourties is a real transition period for a women. This is when a women can go thru homonal changes and start what is called perimenopause.
The fluctuation in a women's hormones can really wreck havoc with our emotions. It can be a real period of adjustment. And add to this the fact that our children at this time are gwrowing up and leaving the nest, only adds to the confusion. But rest assured, a women does get thru this period and will come out the other side happier and stronger with a new outlook on life! I am 58 and have gone thru this myself. I have one grandchild, a little girl 101/2months old. My daughter is pregnant and due in early Dec. Believe me, you have so much to look forward to! Your life is just changing. For the better!! And regarding our kids growing up, I have gone thru that also. I have three children, a son 30, a daughter 28, and a daughter 23. It is hard to watch them grow up and leave home. Some women feel like they are loosing a role that was so fulfilling. But know your children still need you, no matter how old they are. Another thing I wanted to mention is, I never used artifical homones. I used all natural things. I feel this is a much heahthier route to go. If you have any questions, I would be happy to share with you exactly what I did to get thru the change.
I hope this was helpful. Don't feel guilty beacuse your emotions get the better of you at times. It is natures way of sending us into the next phase of our life. It is natural for a women at your age to stop and examine people and events in your life. It is all part of the plan!
Take care honey. Believe me when I say, you will get thru this period in life. I am living proof!
Hugs and God Bless!
Darlene
PS There are many good books to help women get thru the change. Just reading what other women went thru was really helpful.
starzie98@aol.com

Brit said...

Wise words above! I understand you have hard days , and many things in your life has been changed. But God is always faithful, and he knows what is the best for us. He is there, always, and we can call on him.
We all have days that is not easy. We are lucky who has the Lord to talk to! He understands s better than anyone else.
I hope your day will be good! May the Lord bless you! Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Hormonal changes in life.
I have had an empty nest for 10 years. And it took
me 5 years to get use to it. hat makes it even harder both my kids live
in a different state than I
do. My baby my daughter my sil and my one and only
grandbaby she is 2 years old. They live 2000 miles away from me. Imagine
having your 1st and only
granddaughter,
and you can only see her
and be with her 3 times a year. It is like you dont
even have a grandbaby.
I was 55 years old before
I became a grandma.
Sharon you are so lucky
that all your kids leave near you.
Health changing as some one grows older is very
upsetting.
Love
Pamela in Ohio

Anonymous said...

Sharon I forgot to add
My daughter will be 30 this year and my son will be 37. I am in my 50s
And went through the same stuff you are in my late
40s and early 50s.
When I turned 55 I
come out of that
emotional hormonal feelings
and you will also.
Pamela

Sharon said...

Thank you so much ladies for your sweet comments and words of encouragement. It means a lot to me. I am feeling your prayers. I get so ashamed of myself for letting things get to me. God must get so frustrated with me!

I will try to get around to visit your blogs later this evening or tomorrow.

Darlene, I think you are right when you say it could be hormonal. I do feel that my hormones are contributing a great deal. I would like to learn more about natural hormones. What do you use?

Lynne, thank you for your sweet comment. I don't mind publishing it. I don't know if I have a jelousy, it is just that I feel like when the kids all grow up and don't need me that I have no purpose, which I know is nuts! I also am just really hurt by a big disappointment. It was something that I tried not to hope too much for and keep a good perspective on, but when it didn't happen, it effected me deeply. I prayed for God's will and a "no" answer is still an answer! I need to trust that He knows what's best no matter how good the thing is that I think I want and am praying for!

Pamela, I can only imagine how it has been for you. I know I have all of them right here in town with me and I do have so very much to be grateful for. I wish I had an on/off switch to make these feelings go away. I guess I am hypersensative and things can weigh on my heart so heavily. I also know that as an American woman, I have so many blessings. There could be women reading my blog from another country where things are just so hard for them. I do have so much to be grateful for. I am trying really hard to snap out of this.

Again, thank you everyone for your comments. You're the best!

Love, Sharon

Kathi said...

Sharon, These ladies have said many wise things that I agree with. I'm so sorry you are going through this valley time. It is very hard I'm sure. I really love you and think you should come and stay with me when they are gone. Let's talk about it. Love you, Kathi

My Grandkids ROCK said...

Sharon, This is Pam. I haven't been very good at staying in touch. There have been too many things going on in my life. I really would love it if you and Kathy could make a day to meet again. My yard is on the garden tour this Sunday afternoon. After that I might have some free time. If you ever want to run away you are alway welcome to come my way. Sometimes someone who isn't family or long time friend can be the best listener. Hope you are having a great day.
Pam

shamrock fields said...

Dear Sharon,
You have a way of expressing exactly how I feel sometimes!!! I think that a lot of it comes from being such an involved Mom. My girls have been my whole life for the past 18 years. It's funny, I actually get more emotional over things that happen to them than they do! They still like to share things with me--I hope they always will. I feel like my voice is one of many they are hearing now--so many influences the more they venture out into the world. I heard a familiar verse in church on Sunday that I took in a new light-Phillipians 4:8. I try to think of lovely things and find joy each day. Also, I know I need to ask the Lord for help when I feel this way. Blessings-
Molly
PS I have added you as an invited reader of my blog. I think you might have to log on with your email. Hope that is not too much trouble! Molly

Anonymous said...

Awww Sharon. Sometimes you just cant snap out of it. As an RN I know those
hormones are powerful parts
of our body. I would just cry out of the blue for no
reason at all. A friend suggested HRT to me. But
I did not want to take that. My MD she suggested
anti-anxiety antidepressant
which I have been taking for 3 years. Finally something that helped me.
I have found talk therapy
with my girlfriends has helped me. Sorry for 3 posts Sharon but you are an incredible beautiful
woman and it hurts me to see you are hurting.
Anytime you need to go ahead and share your thoughts with us the girls
here on your blog
Pamela in OH

Sondra said...

Oh, Sharon I am so sad that you are having such a difficult time right now. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I too struggle with many of the same feelings. My sister had her first grandchild this week and it has caused some great emotions in me. I have had such high hopes for my boys. I thought they would be getting married and having families too. However, one at 23 still living at home, only working part time and not wanting to find love at all. One at 20 wanting to marry a girl who just had a baby by someone else-something I have not blogged about because of the deep pain that will cause my mother. One about to graduate high school and go off to college-he being my child of strength who encourages me and soon to leave. And my baby starting high school. It is all too much. I am also greatly struggling with issues of the thought that "Only what's done for Christ will last". This because my mother has cried and caused my sister and I so much sadness because she is not here to see her new great grandchild because she is out on the mission field doing God's work. Because that is all the matters in the end, right? But why does God give us the joy of family if you cannot be her to witness that joy? Oh how confusing.
Oh, Sharon I am so sorry that I have just rambled on about my problems. I just want you to know that we all face disappointments. I don't think that causes God to be sad with us. Remember that Jesus came to earth as a man just like us and He to faced sadness and He too wept. John 11:35 "Jesus wept". One of my favorite verses comes from Job. "For when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." And in the end "All things work together for good for them that love Him"
Many hugs to you, Sharon. I know you will be feeling better soon.

Imseeingraggedies Nutt said...

Just wanted to send you a big (((HUG)))

LillySue said...

Wow, what great wisdom being shared here! I will be 46 this summer and have been feeling a lot of this kind of thing for the past year. I do know a good part of it is hormone related and do try to keep that in perspective. Just being able to blog with other gal's in the same situation is a huge help. WE ARE NOT ALONE! I am so glad you have a good marriage to hang on to while dealing with everything. I am in a failing one and am hanging on to Jesus. He has been so faithful where my husband has not. I hope you find peace washing over you soon. God does have a purpose for you AND me in our second half of life and it will be just as fulfulling as the first. He has lead us along, waiting for us to be molded into the women he wants us to be. He may have you doing just what he wants you to right now and will reveal something new when the time is right. You are in my prayers!
Blessings~LillySue

Cottage Contessa said...

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I will be praying for you my dear friend. You've had some excellent advice here from some very wise women, some of this advice I think I need to take note of too as I am feeling much the same way as you are, but obviously for different reasons. Just know that you aren't alone in what you are going through, and that you have many friends out there who are lifting you up in prayer while you walk this new and unchartered path. Hugs for you sweetie....
Amanda (aka Cottage Contessa)

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Oh I can relate to this! I have a wonderful life but sometimes I also feel so alone, it's a scary feeling. Leaving my husband in the hospital last night was so hard. Thinking of how close he came to dying was also so scary for me. What would I do without him? My life has been so filled with stress lately over all the things I do for everybody. I need a break from things but don't really know how to do it. My husband is much better today but I'm so lonely being here so far from home and my daughter home with my mother and just my son and I in this hotel. I pray that the Lord will help you and give you peace in the midst of all the stress. Let me know if you find any revelations!

Tanza said...

Ooohhh Sharon,
Always love stopping by for a visit.. Hope you're feeling better soon !! I can sooo relate, with going through the empty nest thing.. Our oldest is out, and our daughter 21 is soo independent and out and about with her life.. We still have our baby (14), and believe me, I cherish each day, just because I know how fast this time truly goes..Isn't it funny,how our Momma role soo relates to our every being.. Nothin' like it.. But just know, you are lifted in prayer, and it's going thru the hard times, and valleys,that HE is with you,carrrying you forward..Just remember to lift and uphold his name,JESUS.. and HIS grace alone will cover you and take you forward..We all go through times like this.. it's soo wonderful we share and open our hearts. it's a healing process.. Hope your sunshine days are soon, and that your heart feels lighter already.. God is soo good, and always faithful !! I know you know this, and am so grateful you share soo openly !! LoVe and hugs ~tea~xo

Sunflower Farm said...

I think sometimes some of us Mom;s who are very close to our children find it hard to let go. My children are growing up also and sometimes; not all the time but now and then I feel so sad to let them go.For 20 years my children have been my life for most of my adult life I have been pregnant and all of a sudden some of them are moving out. Very hard! It is very, very hard sometimes. Yet I now my children are wonderful because of the time my husband and I were able to spend with them. We must remember we are a phone call away. As I write this my 18 year old son is again up a mountain fighting a fire. Makes me sick with worry. Yet on the light side he has managed to phone home three times. Every time he gets into service with his cell. Take Care and Remember there are many Mom's going through the same thing. We are so lucky to have these blogs full of wonderful people to help us with their wisdome. Take your sister up on her offer. Go visit!nothing beats a good visit with your sister. I just had a great visit with mine for three weeks. We have not been together that much in thirty years. I loved it. Take Care

Lori said...

Sharon;
Just to say I am thinking of you. It is okay to feel sad, no matter how big or small the disappointment. The feelings are real. II Cor. 1:5-7 You have shared in the sufferings of your friends, and now they can share in yours. xoxo
Lori

Where My Treasure Is said...

Sharon,

I often ask myself if I'm only a fairweathered Christian, too...and then the guilt comes as well. I'm sorry you're feeling so down lately. I don't deal well with a lot of change and when change comes, sometimes my walk with Christ gets a little weird and I'm uncomfortable spending time with Him..I don't know why. But like you said, our disappointments are God's appointments. That is something great to remember! I hope you've been encouraged today by everyone's comments. God bless you--I don't know you personally but I can tell you are so very important to so many people and loved greatly..especially by our Savior Jesus Christ!

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharon
I just wanted to let you know that you have been an inspiration to me with your blog. You are #2 on my sites of christian blogs I follow.
I just wanted to give you this poem, that has helped me as my children were younger. and now I find it on my fridge again, as I have an aging
mother, and our children are growing up fast (15, 10, 6). I cannot remember from which magazine or newsletter I cut it out, but I am just glad the
Lord provided me with it. I think it says it all.
My favorite verses are all of Psalm 121" I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help, My help cometh from the Lord,"... when I have
issues to deal with. Dianne

Lord I have you

Lord, sometimes
I come
To the day's end
Trying to be
What everyone
Expects me to be--
Friend,
Wife,
Mother,
Counselor
And, above all,
Strong...


And I wonder
Why can't I
Have someone
To counsel me?
To befriend me?
To mother me?
To be
My strength
The same way
I am
Expected
To strengthen?


Then
I remember, Lord--
I have
YOU.
- Barbara Bockelman
Laverne, Oklahoma

Anonymous said...

I couldn't leave a comment but I wanted you to know yo uare not alone. I am a few years behind you and I have to fight these moments as well; then other times I just give in. So much changing. So many life issues that are different than what I thought they would be...learning to adjust to my changing body, my son's changing needs of me and their never ending life issues...I haven't seen my eldest since Christmas and he is going to Shanghai and will be gone maybe a year after his short month home in August. Hugs to you. The Lord is your strength. Isn't it good He doesn't change. Blessings! Leslie

Elena said...

So sorry to hear you are feeling down. I pray the Lord will lift your spirits. Take care. Hugs, Elena

Rebecca said...

Sharon...

I've been there...I'm still there sometimes.

ASIDE from the spiritual and emotional elements which I do NOT discount...

Have you thought about the M word or the P word?

I felt just like you and I got my tail down and INSISTED my doctor send me to an Endocrinologist. My Estrogen levels were a MESS!

Not trying to downplay anything else mind you...but our physical wellness is important and too often neglected.

Blessings to you...

xoRebecca

Judy said...

I too feel it's hormonal, but not only that...You are going from being a mom who has been quite busy with her family over the past how many years...and now, you're not needed as much or in the same way as you used to be.

You are probably finding a lot of time on your hands that you have never had before.

I know, after having raised 11 children and having only one left at home and our 8th child getting married this weekend...my life has changed so much. It's hard to adjust, it's hard to be not needed in the same way anymore. It's just hard.

But, I have thought how can I change since everything else is changing. I now look at my life and see it in a whole new light. I see my children growing up and leading wonderful productive lives. They have their faith in God and 8 of the 11 have found wonderful mates to spend the rest of their lives with. I'm enjoying my grandchildren more than I could possibly imagine. My children still need me but in a totally different way from when they were small and I like this new way much better.

I look back and think is this what I've always wanted for my kids. It sure is. I have raised them and now I can enjoy my children as adults. Is life different now? It sure is. And now I can spend the rest of my life with my husband knowing that I might have made some mistakes in raising my children, but I know I did my best.

I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

Shelley said...

Hi Sharon,I am going to be very honest with you. In my life time I have faced many hard times and disappointments head on..I have been trusting God since I was very young and he has always carried me on when I could no longer walk in my own strength...he has always been there for me...as his word says He will never leave or forsake us. Even when we can't seem to feel his presense,he's still right there,all along. A little over a month ago something very devastating happened in our family and truthfully I wanted to died. I told you I was going to be very honest! I just did not think I could face tomorrow and felt as if Satan had defeated me. In my heart I knew God was still right there with me but I felt so alone,like never before. I could not eat or sleep or stop crying for three days. A very dear friend took me into her home and showed me so much kindness and Godly encoragement and prayed with me until I regained the strength just to come back to my home. I came home on that fourth day . My husband was gone from our home and pretty much from my life! After 35 years together! This is a huge change and I am having to lean on God and trust in his understanding because it is beyond mine to even try to understand my husbands actions.I do understand that Satan is the arthor of all confusion and it is his desire to destroy us all. I declare to you today,I will not allow him to destroy me or my family. It's so true,Kids do grow up and leave our homes,I have four and my youngest is 17! The others have been out of the home for a long while now. Then the Lord blesses us in return with sweet little grands to fill up all the mothering that is still left in our hearts! I long for our "Heavenly Home" where there are no
disappointments,death,heartaches,
sickness or pain. Where seperations come no more....until that time you and I and all God's children are bound to face circumstances that are out of our control,but Glory be to God ,he is more than able to carry us through everyone of them victorously...
God has been giving me more strength each day to bear my cross and for that I am so thankful..I will certainly ask our Heavenly Father to do the same for you,to renew your strength and fill you with much joy so there is no room for more disappointments...You are a blessing to this world of blogging and have given me much inspiration,Spiritually and other wise as well!
Be encoraged my friend...you are never alone.....We are just in a different season and this to shall pass.......

Blessings,Shelley

Mardell said...

Hi Sharon,
Such incredible words of wisdom these ladies have shared with you. I am learning ALOT through your wonderful blog & I thank you for that. :o) I'm sorry to hear of your big disappointment. I remember how sad you were awhile ago when you weren't able to purchase that house you fell in love with...please remember I'm praying for you with all my heart.

Hugs,
Mardell

rhymeswithplague said...

Sharon, don't freak out, but I am a guy. My wife Ellie reads your blog but doesn't really do comments. She asked me to compose a comment to you and suggest that you obtain or try to attend Beth Moore's series called "A Beautiful Mind" and also read her book, "Breaking Free"...if you are not familiar with Beth, she is on Christian TV every Wednesday on James Robison's program, Life Today. I believe her books and DVDs are available on James's website (lifetoday.org) also. I believe she is a Baptist from the Houston area.

We are old enough to be your parents....

Sharon said...

Thank you Mardell! I am feeling better. God is so good. It is so neat to have all these wonderful blogging friends who have been so encouraging!

I hope you are doing well.

Sharon

FairHaven said...

Sharon,Hello,I couldn't pass this opportunity to speak to you.We all feel this way as our children have grown and there's times you miss them so bad as little children you cry.I was having a very hard time with this for a long time and one family gathering,I have five kids and now four grandchildren,I was sitting and looked out in the yard.I saw my whole life differently for the first time in about three years,I know it was the Lord.As my adult kids were playing ball,my daughter in laws were laughing together,I all of a sudden saw life.I hadn't lost anything with my kids grown,I had gained two more daughters and beautiful grandchildren.Yes we are in a new chapter of the same journey and I started focusing more on my grandchildren,not replacing,but fulfilling.You'll never not miss them as children,but as more of life fills your heart with grandchildren and family times,it will become less and less empty feeling.You'll find yourself more and your husband through the journey.

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