Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Spring flowers and my thoughts

These are some flowers that I found on my walk the other day. Aren't they pretty?
I'm not certain, but I think they are cherry blossoms or apple blossoms.
God is so creative and He has blessed us with so many wonderful things in nature. I just wanted to share these beautiful flowers with you along with some of my thoughts.
We got home from our fun weekend at the cabin at about 4:00pm on Monday night and now it is 5:30 pm. We are all unloaded, unpacked, put all the food away and have a load of laundry going. We had such a beautiful, wonderful, lovely family time together, but I am so frustrated because I have this feeling that the blues are trying to come and settle in on me. When I get like this I try to stop and analyze why in the world would I be having these feelings. I think I figured it out.

We had such a great time with our kids, but when we get home, Kenzie goes home to his house and Cameron goes home to his apartment. It just feels wrong to me. My head knows it is the right thing, but my heart is a little confused! I know it is the right thing, they are grown up and going to college and it is good that they are doing so well and are independent, but it is really, really hard on a mom sometimes to let go. I guess I remember all the times in the past when we come home from camping, we all work hard and get everything put away and then we have a fun dinner and watch a movie together and they all went to bed in their rooms upstairs. This time it was different. We had two sons who drove to their own homes, not to this home.

I don't want to be like this. I want to just accept all of this and be happy with it. Most of the time I actually am happy with all of it; this sad feeling will come over just once in a blue moon and it when I get it, it just randomly hits me, I can't predict it. I wish I just didn't get it at all.

It's hard for a mom because you have this beautiful baby and you nurture him and love him with all your heart and help him grow in so many ways. You support him and teach him in so many ways, you teach him the ways of the Lord. You share life's ups and downs with him and then one day he grows big and they leave the nest. You know it is time, you know it is right, you know they are in the Lord's hands, you are very, very happy for them, but there is a little piece of your heart that says, you are my baby, come back to me, I miss you, I miss those days when we were all together, all the time.

I want to have all the fruits of the spirit and joy is one of them. I want to be happy that my kids are happy and healthy and walking with the Lord and that we had a fabulous weekend together. I do not want the enemy to sneak in here and get me down and rob me of my joy. I will think of scriptures from the Lord that lift me up.

"For this day is holy to our Lord. And be not grieved and depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold." Nehemiah 8:10

"This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

"I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing." John 15:11

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

I feel so much better when I dwell on scriptures like this. I told Eric that I wish I could be free of these blues that come over me at weird times like this and I am worried what it will be like when we come home from a camp trip and all our kids are moved out. He was so sweet and he rented us a fun family movie to watch. Eric, Grayson and Hayden and I had a nice little cozy evening together. I know I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for. Especially for the love of Jesus Christ and my eternal salvation, and that we have such great kids and get to spend fun times with them like this, but these feelings are real and the do come over me now and again. I really want to keep praying that God will free me from this. It helps me to write about all of this. Are there any of you out there who can relate to what I am saying?

I hope all of you had a great Memorial weekend. I will post pictures of our time at the cabin tomorrow.

In Him ~ Sharon

24 comments:

Barbara H. said...

Yes, I can relate. Though none of mine are actually out yet, the oldest two have been in college plus working and therefore gone most of the day except when sleeping, and the oldest has graduated from college and probably will be on his own within a year. Ever since he was in sixth grade and it hit me like a ton of bricks that half his school years at home were over, I have been seeing every little step toward independence as a step away from me. That's as it should be -- we want them to be able to stand on their own -- but it is bittersweet . We've had them all their lives and to just be without them leaves an empty spot. I have often thought that it won't be a problem to find things to do to fill up the time -- I have plenty of projects to keep me busy for decades to come -- but it's just that I will miss their physical presence as well as all the routines and traditions.

One thing that helps me is to look forward to the joys -- like grandkids. :-) I know that won't happen for many years to come, but with the growth and changes will come new phases like grandparenting. It won't be quite the same, but it will be nice. :-)

Plus, of course, the Lord will give grace and help.

Jaderocks said...

Oh Sharon I know exactly what you are feeling. Since my daughter lives 2 1/2 hours away and has such a busy life we do not see her very often. She was supposed to come home for Memorial Day but called us to say they got a chance to go to a concert that they we dying to see and would we mind if they did that instead. Of course we said we would miss them but we wanted them to do their thing. I talked to Nicole on the phone over the weekend and she said they had a great time but she felt bad that she did not see us. She also said it made her feel sad when I told her a while ago that not getting to see her very much was like Cat's In The Cradle(Harry Chapin song). When she was growing up I had to work long hours and did not get to attend everything I would have liked. Now I have more time and she is so busy with her life. I know she loves me and we love her but the ache in my heart that we do not see her all the time is still there. There are many times that I want to make plans and they are already busy. I think of this when my mother calls and usually jump at the chance to spend time with her. You have such a love for your family that these changes are giving you the blues. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that you are not alone. The flowers you picked were beauties. I tried to smell them do they smell good?

Daughter of the King said...

~~~YES...yes..yes...
and now...and now that we are on the OTHER side...where we have YOUNG grandchildren and they have their spouses my Jim and I are LOVING this stage of our life. I mean we really LOVE IT....I can't believe that I can say that, because like you, the blues, the grief at times was overwhelming.
I would wonder, what is this all about? IT is part of the process and I do think it is fine AS LONG as you allow yourself to go through it, cling to God's WORD, and then KNOW:
This too shall pass
and Sharon, it does, it does, it does.
Jim and I love our time together. We love just watching t.v with US.
When we have get-togethers, we are so ready to get back to just US.
Our love life and marriage is so wonderful. IT is so often like being remarried again.
Hang in there, KNOWING that really Sharon, it does get better. I know as I type this, my husband would be saying the same thing.
Deby

Mary said...

Sharon,

Ahh! Empty Nest Syndrome is what you are experiencing and yes, I can relate. It is very normal.

I have only one daughter and I remember well the day she left home. It was as if my heart had been torn from my body. I did a little (or a lot) of crying and felt so alone. Remember there was just her and I back in those days. I had been a single mother for 17 years. So the house was empty and it was very difficult to get through that time.

But Praise God, now I have the grandsons in my life. What more could I ask for? And the oldest one is turning 13 today and in the blink of an eye he will be graduating high school. I'm sure I will feel the loss of his company when he goes to college.

You are a wonderful mother. You have brought your children up in the ways of the Lord. They love you and will visit your every opportunity they have. When the feeling of sadness comes over you, lean on our Lord. He will give you delights of your heart.

Thank you so much for the birthday greeting you left for Brandon. He will read them later today.

Love and blessings,
Mary

Mardell said...

Hi Sharon!
Wow, I've been gone from the computer for a couple of days & it looks like I sure missed alot! It sounds like you had a wonderful getaway over the weekend! :o)

I haven't experienced the "empty nest syndrome" yet, but it's coming soon I'm afraid. My two oldest will be 18 & 20 in July. However, my youngest is only 4, so I don't need to worry about him just yet (I hope! LOL)

I think your feelings are completely normal. You're not alone, especially because you have the Lord in your life!

Hugs,
Mardell

PS: How is your new job coming along? I've been wondering & hoping things are going smoothly for you!

Michelle said...

Sharon ~ Hey, I'll be praying for ya, girlfriend! While I can't actually relate to the part of having any of the kids moved out, I'm struggling with them becoming soooo independent of us (like Tyler)...yeah, I know - sounds crazy, huh? It just seems like now it's Bobby, me & the 2 girls who go anywhere together these days and I miss it being the 5 of us like it used to be. (Of course, Tyler's accident has changed everything right now...he's GOTTA be with us 24/7! LOL)

Thanks again SO MUCH for your outpouring of prayers and concern. It's been rough going but knowing we're covered in prayer sure helps.

Linda said...

Hi Sharon, your post brought a tear to my eye...I know how you feel. It is hard being a mom...we want our children to flourish and have wonderful lives but we want the joy of having them with us too. You've chosen wonderful scriptures to give you strength and comfort...I hope today finds you feeling better. Hugs, Linda

Candy- A Pretty Home said...

Hi Sharon :)
I cant relate yet but I like reading about your honest feelings about this because it prepares me for when my son will leave the nest one day..

Thanks for your comment yesterday. yes, it is awesome that our blog friends can pray for one another. Im so glad Michelles son will be ok!
I have a prayer request for msyelf now ..if you feel led to, would you remember me in prayer...my immune system is low and I just got over pneumonia a month or so ago and went to the doctor yesterday only to find out i have bronchitis now and he hopes that I dont get the pneumonia back. I have an inhaler for the coughing and prescritipion to fill IF i start to feel pneumonia coming back. I just need and want to get better. Ive been sick for too long and its somewhat worrisome and makes my faith very low..
ANyway, I sure would appreciae prayer..
thanks,
candy

linda said...

Sharon, I know exactly what you are talking about. I definately experience this kind of sadness. My son is 22 and lives out on his own but it just seems so wrong for us to be living in the same city...but not in the same house. Yet, I'm proud of his independence and accomplishments. It's comfusing and the feelings are bittersweet.

I think more than anything I just miss them being little. The time went zooming by so fast that at times it's a blurr. I loved being a mom...and still do...but my job as a mom is different now and that's an adjustment. They don't need so much mothering now so I just try to set a good example and to be a good role model for them.

I turn to the Lord at these times as well and he is such a comfort. He gives me peace and reminds me of the love I have for my children and how blessed I am to have great relationships with both of them. It seems he takes away my sadness and fills my heart with pride.

Sharon, I think these feelings will always be...because we are mothers! It just comes along with the territory!

Joyfull said...

My oldest son is in 11th grade and now desiring lots of independance etc., which means family dinners are sometimes missing one and between work and fun, he is not around as much. I am trying to prepare myself for the upcoming changes of college and adulthood. Sharon, you are an inspiration to me in this area. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts on those bad days and the hope and joy that is found in seeing the boys develop into young adults. God's Word is true and a comfort and help in times like these. Barbara's comment was also such a blessing and I loved reading how other mothers are adapting to this life change. Blessings to you both!

Honest to Ya~Ya said...

I think you are having a natural reaction.
Hope you have a wonderful day!☺

Anonymous said...

As Barbara said, "God does give us grace and help". I am now 4 years empty nested - I went and still go through all of those feelings. It is hard to let go - you nurtured them in the Lords ways and kissed every boo boo - waited up for them and prayed for them when they were away from home.

I must say it does get better - I am on the other side of empty nest now. The one site that really helped me was www.emptynestmoms.com
Along with my faith and trust in the Lord, these wonderful women saved my sanity at times. I have written over 1000 posts there - I've been a member since 2002 or 2003 (can't remember).

Anyway, God has been good to me, I wrote you before that we have been married 33 years and have 3 wonderful sons. They are all married now. I have 4 grandchildren under 2 1/2. Our oldest and youngest sons have 2 each. Well, my middle son and his wife have been going through fertility treatments - they have been trying for 4 years - it was sad for them being around these 3 nieces and 1 nephew - but they were great about it. Well, a BIG PRAISE THE LORD, yesterday they gave us a picture frame with their picture, our picture and then an opening for a baby that said, "Genevieve or Elijah coming January 2009". My eyes popped out of my head and I have been shouting praises ever since. The frame said, "Three Generations" For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5 I am so blessed. Grandchildren really have helped those emptynest feelings. So don't worry - God will release you from these feelings. It does happen and I am really one that didn't want to let go.

Willa

Sondra said...

Your cabin trip looks wonderful. I am glad you had such a good time. I am so sorry you are feeling blue about the boys. Of course I am not having those feeling right now because mine have come back home. I am actually a little blue about that! :)

Michelle said...

Sharon,
I don't have children, so I don't completely understand your pain, but I do want to send you a hug. The blues have been hitting me pretty hard this weekend too. Not sure what, except that Iowa has had some pretty dreary, sunless weather lately, and I am one that needs sunshine. I know your weekend was fantastic, but there are letdowns usually after fun times. Cheer up. As you said, you have so many things to be thankful for, but sometimes the blues are just part of human nature. I also think a lot of my blues were too many days without structure. I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. I wasted a few days doing nothing constructive. What a shame!

Cheer up. You are special in God's eyes, your family's and those of us who regularly read your blog.

Here comes a hug!
Michelle

Ruthie said...

I think all us mothers have had the very same feelings. I remember when our last child went off to college and then stayed in that town to work. I knew he'd never live at home again. Our girls were already married and gone. It is hard - letting go - and yet we wouldn't want them to be dependant and living with us forever. But we, as moms, miss them. My DH and I had to learn to do things together, without expecting children to join us. I still miss them - but as they are on their own and become friends, it is a whole new and wonderful experience. So things will be better!

Feathering My Nest said...

Sharon, I love you so much and I am so sorry for the feelings and thoughts that are sad. I do believe it is empty nest, and although I'm not quite there yet, I know it's around the corner. I care so much for you and hope that God will comfort you. The Scriptures that you mentioned are so good. I hope you feel God's peace. He cares so much for you. YOur flowers are so pretty. I love you, Kathi

Kelli said...

Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Sharon. My children are still young, but I know the time is coming all too soon. Those are some wonderful verses to think on. Sending ((((hugs)))).
~Kelli

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I can't say I understand what you're feeling because my husband and I were not blessed with children. But I do know that change and transitions can be hard. I pray that God will give you other ways to express your love and generous spirit as you move into the time of truly having an empty nest.

cherished*vintage said...

Oh Sharon, thank you for sharing your heartfelt feelings. I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with "our babies" leaving the nest. Sometimes I think its especially hard for moms of boys, since they can be so much more independent... If you asked my mom, she'd tell you I've never really left. hehe
-Karoline

luvmy4sons said...

I can't believe our posts were so similiar today...Though I am just on the cusp of sending my first away I think I can relate. Hugs to you dear sister. And if you get a chance check out my post for today...you are NOT alone...I totally lost it! LOL!

Sharon said...

Thank you Mardell for your comforting words! Everyone left such kind and loving comments. Empty nest stinks! I am thankful that it does not hit me all the time.

Have a great evening!

Sharon

Sharon said...

Willa,

Thank you for your sweet encouragement and for letting me know how wonderful empty nest can be! I appreciate your kind words very much!

Hugs, Sharon

Sunflower Farm said...

I so know what you mean two of my kids have graduated and I am having a terrible time letting go. It is not fair what us MOM's have to go through. May we all be strong together.

A Romantic Porch said...

Sharon, I know this is an old posting for you. I think it is so awesome how you and Kathi can be so open and candid about the emotions you are feeling. I hope you are feeling joy and strength. Life is so fast, busy and hard sometimes. Though you are a tad bit ahead of me, I'm spinning through these emotions at break neck speed. Thanks for sharing. xo rachel

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