Saturday, April 5, 2008

Letting a dream go.......

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God." Psalm 42:11

I have had a secret dream for over a year now. As many of you know, we are looking for a new home. We have been looking for almost three years. We would like a place similar to what we have but out in the country on 2 to 5 acres. If it happens to have a few more acres that's okay if it is in our budget. A year ago we looked at the house above. It is FANTASTIC! It sits on 10 acres and is so pretty. It has four bedrooms with a fabulous master suite. It has a country kitchen and a big family room. I love it, but it is way out of our price range.

We have been talking with the owner off and on for a year and it was a little secret prayer of mine that God would make a miracle and we could get it. At the time we looked at it, she just pulled it off the market. Well, now it is back on the market and the price is lowered, but still not in our range.

"They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed." Psalm 22:5

Sadly, my husband said we cannot afford it. I am listening to my husband and I am giving up this dream. It is hard. I know I have been disobedient in my heart for even dreaming about it, but I was praying for a miracle. I don't want you to think that I was being a brat and demanding that we get it. My husband did not know that I was secretly longing for this home for the last year.

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered." Mark 11:22

Actually, I did not think about it that much, it was just kind of sitting in the back of my mind. I would think about it once in awhile and I always would say a little prayer, but I ended my prayer asking God for a miracle and that some how we could get that house, but I wanted to be in His will. I do not want to get into a financial situation where we are so strapped and it causes stress and strain on my husband and our family. That is not right and that is not what I want.

I kept all my notes from talking with the owner along with photos of the house and a letter to God that I wrote and kept them in this box in the drawer next to my bed (hey, I just realized this is what Natalie Wood did in Miracle on 34th Street).

Please know that on my list of prayers, this is down low; I pray for my husband and children first and for all of my extended family and friends. This is more in the category of a want, not a need. My family's health and walk with the Lord take priority as well as all the prayer requests of real life problems in their lives, as well as my friends (including blog friends) lives come first!

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." Psalm 34:7

Please know that I wasn't worshiping the house, I just kept everything together in there. For me it was kind of a symbol of gathering my thoughts and boxing them up and giving them to God. God cares about all the details of our lives and this is indeed a little detail in my life!
I actually took this prayer and symbolically put it at the feet of Jesus and tried to leave it there, once in awhile I would fret and pray and take back the worry of it, but then I give it back to the Lord.

I also would like to let you know that we have looked at several other homes in between this time and I did have an open mind with them, we looked at fixers and ones that were nice, but for one reason or another they didn't work. I was not saying, "no other home will do because I want this house", not at all.

But today, I threw it all away. I feel like it was wrong to want something like that. I feel really good now that it is really off my list and out of my mind. I feel kind of embarrassed sharing all of this with you, but it does feel good to get it out. We all have things that we think would make us happy, but we always need to remember that God is our source of joy.

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." Mark 11:23

It is confusing sometimes because He says to ask him for things, but yet, we need to keep things in perspective and always pray for His will. I didn't want that house to be a show off or impress any one, I just really love that house! Whenever I drive out in the country and look at homes, the ones that I always drool over look just like it, front porch, dormers, just a cute old grandma style home.

We will continue looking for that dream house and I trust that God hears our prayers and knows not only our needs, but our wants and He cares and He will bless us one day. Until then, we pray, trust, wait and keep looking. I pray that God will take away my desires and give me His desires. I don't want to be a spoiled brat and be all demanding. I want to be submissive to His will in my life. It is just hard to understand sometimes why we have these desires in us in the first place!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Our pastor said, "let your disappointment be His appointment!" I will trust that He has the perfect home for us that will be in our budget, it will fill all our needs and we will just love it.

"O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Psalm 84:12

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 Lord, please make Your desires my desires.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. "Psalm 27

Hugs, Sharon


Jaderocks said...

Sharon, Maybe by letting the dream go of that house you will open up your heart to the house that is really supposed to be yours. It would be hard to judge other houses if you have the perfect house secretly in the back of you mind. My husband and I knew our house was for us when we drove up the driveway. But others in our family wondered why? this house?. There was JUNK everywhere and it needed a lot of work. We looked at so many houses that my head was spinning. Buying a new home is a lot of stress and I wish you all the best.

MammyT said...

Oh, Sharon! Amazingly, I have let go of a dream house recently as well. We are sharing a rental house with our youngest daughter and her family. It is a rental. It is where we landed when we came from Alaska. Not only do we have to find something we can afford, so do they, because we agreed we would not bail out on each other, leaving someone holding the bag with all the expenses. This is a large, 5-bedroom and is expensive to operate.
We are just praying now, that God will supply what we need this year. Sometimes these things seem so overwhelming to us. I also pray He'll help me to learn and accomplish what He wants me to during this waiting time.
I so appreciate your sharing this. It has made me recognize some things and helped to encourage me. God bless you so much.

Penless Thoughts said...

Wonderful, open post, Sharon. I will be eager to see just what God does now that you have surrended the house to Him.

Kim said...

Thank you for sharing your struggle. We all have struggles in our lives with wants, needs and unfulfilled desires.

For me it was the desire for a child. I had to give up my dream of a biological child, but God gave me the child of my heart. I treasure my son all the more because of the struggles and wait we went through before he arrived.

This May it will be thirteen years since he was born and that old dream seems like a lifetime ago.

To have the desire isn't wrong. It's when it interfers with our relationship and dependence on God that we are sinning. I will pray for the home that God already has in store for you.

nannykim said...

Well, whatever happens God knows what lies before us and what would be good. He knows are needs better than we do. So of course you can be confident that he will place you where it is best for you now as well as where it will be best for you in the future. We can trust Him to open and close doors. A lot of people downsize when their kids move out. We have considered this, but our place is paid for and is central for walking to the Doctor, the stores, the pharmacy, the church so it makes it an ideal place if we decide to remain here for retirement purposes. My inlaws had a place about 5 miles from the center of town and with about an acre of property. The problem came with their increase in age --it became to hard to do all the mowing and fixing up that was required and the distance was difficult for all of the doctor visits and physical therapy and services they wanted. They ended up moving closer to us. A lot depends on your health and how long you will be healthy and your desires and abilities with keeping up a large home and property. I think praying about something is really good because God often works his wisdom and thoughts into us as we do pray. Waiting on him, with thankfulness is so important. Not to be like the grumbling Israelites who grumbled at His provisions. Perhaps it is a test of your continued faithfulness and submissive heart.

Brenda said...

Sharon, Honey if anyone has heart that is spoiled wants for things not needed it sure isn't you. God knows that also because he made your pure heart. You have one of the purest hearts I have ever seen. Maybe the saying "Let go and let God" will open that door. I like you sometime don't understand. I have always wanted land and a country home and porch. I have a very nice home and it isn't that I am not thankful,but no matter how or what I do it isn't my style or heart. But I truly thank God for it because I know some never have what I do.I just have in my mind and heart what it would feel like to be out and feel peace,but God knows best.
Love and hugs, Brenda

Kelly said...

Oh Sharon, I wish I could just knock on your door, give you a huge hug and sit and pray with you!
You are so smart and so strong! My first thought is oh I am going to pray for you to get THAT house. But you have shown me the proper prayer would be to pray for God's will for you. I will join you in putting our trust in him!!!
Big big ((HUGS)) to you!!!!


Michelle said...

Hi Sharon ~ Found your blog through your sister Kathi's and my friend Candy's but I haven't left a comment until now {sorry, didn't mean to be a lurker :)}...just want to say that I so appreciated this post! I love your honesty and willingness to be transparent - as well as the scriptures that you shared throughout the story. I'll definitely be back to visit often!

Blessings :)
(Treasure the Moment)

jennifer said...

This was a touching post. You really humbled your self. Just think, when God sends you the house meant for you, how good you will feel knowing it is of Him.

Be blessed!


Cottage Contessa said...

Oh Sharon, I really felt for you as I was reading your post. We are going through something similar here right now too with wanting to move. Oh how I struggle sometimes! What a lovely sweet soul you are dear friend. Sweetie, please stop by my place when you get a moment as I have something for you there!
Amanda (aka Cottage Contessa)

Bax said...

This is my first visit to your blog...just popping over from Brenda's! I can see why you love that's beautiful. Maybe letting go is just what you needed to do. My favorite saying is "Let go and let God". Take care!


fireflynights said...

I'm not sure how real estate values are in your part of the country, but here on the East Coast there have been a lot of foreclosures or sales below what people owe on their homes. And, it's been taking a LONG time to sell homes. Fewer buyers and longer marketing time often result in prices coming down.

You need to try to find out why the people are selling the house. If it's just because they're tired of it and want something different, they may stick it out and keep their price up. But, if they want to move because of a job change or desire to be near other family members or move to a retirement home or vacation area or some other more urgent need, after a while with no sale, they will be more willing to look at offers that are lower than what they really want.

I don't think I'd give up on this house until it has actually been sold to someone else. It's a lovely home.

Feathering My Nest said...

Sharon, Your story touched my heart. May God bless you in ways you never thought or dreamed. I believe when we are willing to give up what we are holding on to, the Lord sees this as walking in faith, and being satisfied with Him and His decisions for our lives. Your sharing was very moving and the Lord is being glorified. I'm sure you are feeling peace and closeness with God in an amazing way. That's what happens when we want Him more than our dream. I gave up my dream of having another baby, just like you gave up yours. Six months later, I was pregnant. God does amazing thing. God cares about our dreams. I love you, Kathi

Joyfull said...

Thank you for sharing such a precious time in your life. Thank you for sharing the loss of a dream while facing forward and surrendering to God's will and His direction. What an inspiration you are - in good times and difficult time - God is good- all the time.

bj said...

There's so many of us out here that would so love a house like in the country, with a welcoming, warm porch across the front...and enuf money to fix it the way we'd like and keep it going. We never had that kind of money so could never have a home like that, either. I dreamed, and still do...altho, like you, I realize there's NO WAY. Now, at our age, hubby and I don't want a large house to care for....but it would have been nice when we were younger! Keep dreaming...they are good for the soul.
hugs, bj

Julieann said...

(((sharon))) I needed a tissue!! Don't feel bad, we all have dreams like this--and I know God understand:)


cherished*vintage said...

Hi Sharon! I'm so excited to see what God has planned for your future home. It's already in his plan, and he always takes care of us!

Laura said...

We moved here three years ago and have been looking for a house. Every time I begin to get anxious, I feel God telling me to just relax, He has it all worked out perfectly and He will let me know. But sometimes it's hard to give up on something you like!
I also love the bedroom! Looks great!

A Romantic Porch said...

Sharon, Your story is so touching. Broken dreams are so painful aren't they, but it is so neat to see you realize that God has a bigger plan. sometimes it's just so hard to walk into it, because it is unknown to us. I'm right there with you on the front porch of your new dream home rocking babies, your grand babies and my children! (I will rock them as long as they can sit on my lap...and then grandbabies one day!)

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

Your words are ministering to my heart. Thank you for sharing this because I needed to hear it tonight. I am sharing a similar situation...and you have reminded me to stay focused on the right things.


Kelly said...

I completely understand, Sharon. You are not selfish or wrong for praying for this house, for a miracle to happen. I think that the point of prayerfully believing that God will grant you what you ask for, as Scripture says, isn't that we get always what we want - it's that by praying so specifically we prove that we know someone is listening. Someone, God, can actually move mountains.

We love you, Shar!

Anonymous said...

Hello Sharon,

Im so happy to see you and your family are so happy in the Lord! Im so happy to hear of all the ways God is blessing you and your dear family!

It's been very busy here and I truly apologize for not writing "In" sooner. Theres been some things the Lord is working through & in my heart (Some trials in church, there will always be those). It's good for me to be where im at because it shows me where my heart is about some things and shows me that I need to come to him who is an ever faithful friend always and to eternity. What a friend we have in jesus! And perhaps I think he allows such things to bring us closer to Him. I tend to put my hopes soemtimes too much on others-in an unhealthy way because well we are imperfect and flawed in many ways and when I do that it can lead to a lot of let downs. But our God so perfectly loves us the best! So I need to keep my eyes always focused,fixed on him. And you know I find such times the sweetest times of closeness with my God, as he comforts me and makes himself known to me the healer of my soul & heart. He wipes all my tears away always and restores my joy in him, such joy and happiness! And like the loving, perfect father He is He shapes me and shows me whats in my heart and that I need to love him (Obey Him from the heart) more because he loves me so! =)

Well, I wanted to take the time to let you know that i have so immensley profited spiritually by all your writings. They are so real, so encouraging, just the real deal of the many things we experience in our walk with the Lord here on earth. I just thank you sister for opening your heart and sharring such things which in turn just has been filled with so many valuable lessons for me, for us all.

It's so encouraging as I see that im not the only one journeying through similar lessons, feelings and desires and seeking to want them to be all God's. Thats not easy and I have so many lessons to yet learn and so much to grow in. I just thank you for being true, faithful, just a blessed example for us all, especially for us younger ones. I was in tears at this post because i too understand what you wrote and have experienced it. And you know often times it's then that he blesses beyond what we could have hoped for or even planned ourselves! ;)

I just want to also add that I really admire your godly submission to your husband and it points me right to christ and on my knees. I so thank you for your loving example that is a prod to my own heart & soul.

Just wanted to let you know im still here so very encouraged by this site and i praise God for it! Thank you sister for being such a bright light for our king! =)

Im so happy you are starting your new job, and I will pray that he will bless your labors as you have saught to please Him and be led whereever he'd have you to be. He will bless you immensly!

May he recieve the glory and may you have a most blessed day Sharon!

Because he first loved us,

~Joy =)

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